


Homing Instinct

by wynnebat



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Introspection, Languages, Light Angst, Mild Smut, underage: 16/lots of alien years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-08 18:43:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12259950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynnebat/pseuds/wynnebat
Summary: There's a small green and blue planet that awaits Pidge's return, but the problem with falling in love with adventure and an alien princess is that home has a much murkier meaning.





	Homing Instinct

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MorteMistrata](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorteMistrata/gifts).



> I hope you enjoy this fic, MorteMistrata! There's a bit of angst, a bit of smut, and a lot of gals being gay together <3

Home is such a strange word. Home, homestead, homepage, home button, homing… Home, as in a place you return to each time, a place you've chosen to go back to, and keep on choosing. Pidge knows the word in Altean now and if she tries she can figure it out in Galran—the languages are actually quite similar, like branches of another language that's now been long forgotten. Pidge keeps meaning to ask Allura if she knows anything about that, but that curiosity always gets buried under all the other things she wants to know. And talking about any kind of similarities between Alteans and the Galra is still a surefire way to get Allura in a bad mood, as much as her girlfriend's working on accepting that there truly are Galra who don't agree with Zarkon.

She's lying on the floor of the training room, face up, hands behind her head as she looks up at the nearly invisible patterns on the ceiling. The simulator's unique and terrifying way of teaching Altean has completely worn her out, but despite the fact that it's either very, very late at night or too early in the morning, Pidge doesn't feel tired enough to go to bed. But the padded flooring is soft enough and warm under her body, and her mind drifts. She hears the doors open and footsteps coming toward her, but doesn't turn. The castle, for all that it isn't home, is safe.

It's only Allura, who sits down beside her, hands wrapping around her knees as she looks down at Pidge with a soft smile. "Too many new words?"

"Ughh," is the only thing that comes out of Pidge's mouth. Her throat has had about enough of trying to force unfamiliar letters and sound combinations through her lips.

"You know, you don't actually have to learn Altean," Allura reminds her, not for the first time. Her eyes are soft. "It would be complicated to set up the castle's interface to recognize English, but it wouldn't be impossible. And for any problems that arise, Coran and I will be here to translate."

"I know," Pidge says, her voice coming out just a bit hoarse from talking so much. She's been here for hours. But it's either talking or fighting, because she needs to get her thoughts out of her head ( _how is it taking so long why fuck I thought I'd have more leads by now_ —stop). "But I want to do it. What if the translation devices fail? I don't want to be stuck being unable to communicate with you over something as stupid as a language barrier."

"It's true, pointing and waving to get my point across is not exactly fit for Altean royalty," Allura tells her in a faux snotty tone, causing Pidge to huff out a laugh.

She reaches out to touch Allura's arm, maybe to pinch her a bit, but Allura does her one better and takes her hand. Then she uncurls from her pose and drops down until they're just two idiots lying on the floor and staring up at the gleaming white ceilings of the castle. And though Pidge doesn't say it, maybe it doesn't feel right to live in a castle that a mostly long dead people created, without being able to connect to its past. Pidge doesn't like those kind of emotional arguments, usually, but it helps that she's also in love with one of those Alteans.

"I'm pretty sure that I can now recognize any animal you might mention to me," Pidge tells her, because Allura will ask, and Pidge won't lie. "We've finished going through that entire section of the archive."

Allura's hand tightens around hers with more strength than a human would, but Pidge has never, will never, come to harm under her hands. "Which was your favorite?"

"The skrui," Pidge instantly says.

"Of course," Allura replies, huffing a small laugh.

"It's a giant aquatic cat, of course I'd love it." And it's long dead, gone with Altea, and Pidge will only ever see it in holograph form. Her heart clenches, but it's nothing compared to what Allura must feel.

Pidge had asked once if the reminders of Altea brought Allura too much heartache. She would've dropped the project entirely if it could spare Allura some pain. But even though there had been tears in the corners of Allura's eyes, she'd said that she loved the thought of Altea existing in someone else's memory far more than she hated the pain.

"It would eat you alive," Allura tells her, but her voice is so warm despite a little sadness.

"It could try." Pidge sits up, pushing herself up with her free hand and pulling Allura up to her feet with her with the hand she still holds. "It takes much more than an adorable carnivorous thing to keep me down. C'mon, you look tired."

"Excuse me?" Allura arches an eyebrow. "And when exactly is the last time you slept, my dear?"

"Sleep is for people who have nothing better to do," Pidge replies, raising her nose.

Allura laughs at her, patting down the worst of Pidge's messy hair, and follows Pidge to their rooms. Pidge doesn't bother reminding her that her hair is never going to stay in place, especially not when Pidge isn't planning on sleeping quite right now. Judging by the look Allura gives her, her girlfriend's on the same exact page. The door opens automatically as they approach and Pidge pulls Allura through, tugging gently at Allura's Altean-style clothes.

"How did people ever have sex with so many layers?" Pidge asks her for the nth time.

"They learned patience," Allura says, her tone attempting to be stern, but her lips quiver up into a grin. "Are you sure you're just not too tired? I understand that human physiology demands—"

Pidge cuts her off with a kiss, pulling Allura down a little to meet her lips. Allura's smile is a little smug, a little wonderful, and Pidge clings to her as she deepens the kiss. She forgets about their clothes until a small part of her brain recovers enough to remind her that this will be even more amazing when they're touching skin to skin. She doesn't break the kiss as she runs her hands down Allura's shoulders, finding the nearly invisible seams where the garbs can separate. Despite her complaining, she's done this so many times that it's almost second nature. It takes longer now that Allura's hands are teasing at her hips, tugging up her shirt and running up and down across her skin. Pidge loves every second, every shiver. When she's finally free of her clothes, she jumps onto the bed, stretching across it and motioning for Allura to join her. Because she's terrible, Allura first folds her own clothes over a chair, leaving Pidge's as is.

"Don't pout," Allura says, laughing.

"I think you're really missing the point of this whole passionate ravishing thing," Pidge informs her. "Don't worry, I can give you some remedial lessons in—"

Her voice is muffled by one of the pillows Allura throws at her, and then when Pidge throws it off the bed, her mouth is covered by Allura's own. God, it's been months, but Pidge can't get over how easy it had been to just let herself fall. She'd tried so hard to distance herself from everyone at first, feeling as though she couldn't allow herself to have fun when her father and brother were missing. But then she did, and Allura more than anyone else had fit so perfectly into her heart. (And it doesn't hurt that Allura's perfect at getting her off, either.)

Allura's hand slides down, the other keeping her steady above Pidge, and Pidge rocks into her. Allura's fingers feel so good against her clit, but she tilts her hips, encouraging Allura to go lower, deeper. Allura does, taking Pidge's moans into her mouth, taking her orgasm with Pidge falling apart under her hands. Pidge responds eagerly, Allura's mound its own allure. She'd needed this—she'd needed something to prove to some small, irrational part of her mind that Allura is here with her, not long gone like the rest of Altea. Pidge doesn't move away when they're both spent, cuddling into Allura's body, adoring the softness of her skin and the deceptive strength her girlfriend holds inside.

Allura kisses the top of her head, her breath still sharp as she comes down from orgasm. Her hands rub letters into Pidge's skin, ones Pidge can't concentrate on enough right now. Eventually, she asks, "Will you tell me what had you so bothered earlier?"

It's a gentle thing, a request that Pidge can easily avoid. And yet, "I learned the word for home. It's made me think too much. If—no, when, because fuck Zarkon, this is all over, what do you think you'll do?"

"I want to help the planets that Zarkon's empire will leave behind," Allura says, almost simply, although the concept is so complicated after the thousands of years of Galran rule.

"Because it's your duty?"

"Because it's the right thing to do," Allura says, this time more quietly. And see, Pidge doesn't know if she loves or hates Allura for the way she aligns with duty like a compass, pulling sharply instead of drifting. But Allura also goes on to say, "And, I suppose… I don't have anything else to do. My people no longer number in the millions; it's only Coran and me—and Haggar, but I have my doubts about her deciding to accept Altean rule and protection."

"I don't see that happening," Pidge says with a huff. Her head is resting against Allura's chest, and it's so comfortable, but Pidge is still using it as her excuse to not look up at Allura as she says, "You could come back to Earth. Show the idiots back there who don't believe there's life on other planets that there's perfectly viable and beautiful life out there."

"Thank you," Allura says, and this time Pidge can feel the heart she traces onto Pidge's hip.

"You're very viable, but for beautiful, I meant Prince Lotor, sorry," Pidge tells her, and squirms at Allura's light pinch.

"That's treason towards your princess right there."

"I'm not really a huge fan of monarchical rule, sorry, I think it's the whole American thing," Pidge says, leaning back only because she wants to see Allura's face. She props herself up on her elbows, resting on her stomach and wondering what she could say. They haven't been together for long. They haven't— They haven't.

"I noticed you never said whether you'd be returning to Earth," Allura says, her words gentle. Everything about Allura is gentle, right up until she takes command as princess and the only response she accepts is yes, with the ma'am optional. When it comes to matters of Voltron, she defers to Shiro and Keith's judgment, but when they're outside their lions, it's Allura all the way. At first, Pidge was intimidated, but now she just thinks it's pretty hot.

Pidge smiles, feeling unbearably fond. Space diplomacy has left Allura so attuned to what people aren't saying. "You're right. I want to see my mom. Hug her, say I'm sorry for leaving, even if I just couldn't stay. I want to see my dad and brother walk through the threshold of my home again. I want to see them safe. But every time I try to imagine a future with them on Earth, I can't bear it any more than I could bear staying home instead of searching for them. I don't know how I could ever go back for longer than a visit. This galaxy isn't my home, but it's… It's so much more than Earth."

Sometimes she feels as though she _has_ gone native out here in space. There's all these magics and sciences and ideas and histories swirling around in her head, lifting her into green and blue clouds and it's beautiful and terrifying because she sometimes feels as though just another gust of wind will send her flying further. Her family keeps her tethered, but a part of her is terrified that when she finds them (and it's always when, not if, always), she won't be able to come home with them at all. There's so much to do out here, so much to learn, and Earth is so limiting in comparison.

Her family wouldn't approve, but she ran off into space in order to find them; they'll have to get over it when she does the same for herself. She found herself here, so far away from Earth. Maybe her homing instinct is faulty. It could be that her memories of Earth's greatness have dulled with time and there are things she hasn't taken into account. Maybe, but Pidge doesn't think so. Home is Katie Holt, brilliant daughter, coddled and protected. But Katie's a distant memory in the wonderful mess that is her life now.

"It's not a betrayal to find yourself," Allura says, gently touching Pidge's cheek. Pidge leans into the touch, into every part of them that's touching. "With the power of the lions, Earth is only a quintent away and we do have downtime between battles. And perhaps one day there won't be any battles at all. Even if you choose to be here, your home will still be there for you."

Unlike Allura's, hangs between them. Pidge leans in and kisses her, their former passion turned to something much softer. It's a short kiss, but still satisfying, and when Pidge leans back she says, "You'll always be welcome, wherever I go."

"As will you," Allura promises, holding her close.

Pidge wants to blame this on love; it would be easier to say she wants to stay here with her girlfriend. And a not insignificant part of her accepts it as a truth. But it's one truth of many, and a major one is this: Pidge is viciously curious. She yearns for knowledge, adventure, excitement, and she can't imagine finding anything so wonderful as this back on Earth. She's a paladin of Voltron and they'll have to pry her lion from her wrinkled, retiring, old lady hands.

She feels warm and sleepy, lying next to Allura like this, but a whisper in Allura's voice from above her head registers in her mind. It's a phrase that Pidge hasn't learned yet, but she can guess what it means. They've never said it. It's so uncertain, this life of theirs, with each day a struggle against odds stacked so very much in Zarkon's favor. It's made them wary, it's made them fierce against their enemies but gentler with their allies.

Pidge can't say it to her family, as much as she yearns to every single day, but there's one person she can say the words to.

"I love you, too," she says into the crook of Allura's neck, feeling Allura's strong arms tighten around her. "Too much, I think, sometimes."

But she can't imagine feeling any less.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm also on tumblr as @[crownwithoutstones](https://crownwithoutstones.tumblr.com/).


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